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Sunday, February 22, 2009

The next step....

Not marriage oh!

Sorry, I've been in a hiatus of some sort, tired, busy, midterms.....

Anyway, whats up with my life is great! Life is good and yes, the boo, he's great too.

So since my blog is partly about my relationship, I'll spill.

Does any body watch Making the Band 4- Que and Dawn are just the cutest couple ever. They've been together for a year and a half. Watch:http://www.mtv.com/videos/?id=1604967 They talk about being open, honest and communicate everything...todos! They are sooo cute!

So, communication I hear is key. The fact that boo and I don't see each other often makes me want to be closer by telling him every and anything and being open and honest. If there's a problem, will let him know even if he can't do much to help. for me, that's an attempt to cover for the distance.

I though he wanted this more than me but he apears to not be that open. Like, its none of my business. He has so much inside sometimes I intentionally provoke him necause thats the only way to make him talk about whats going on. He naturally doesn't even spill much to others so its not me, I just want our communication level to be like mine with others.

Like my post on ex who discusses his future with me, boo doesn't do that. I won't quit talking to ex because I am a talker. If I have to talk for one hour to other guys, I should be able to do the same with boo or even talk two hours. I won't downsize my conversations with other guys to make boo high on the scale.

I want to feel like we are growing in some way so I try to get creative all the time and he appreciates/ loves it but doesn't reciprocate.

Condition bend crayfish shey? I guess its his personality or maybe we haven't reached that phase of him trusting me. I love catering to people, giving advice, making connections, doing favours, being a shoulder, and derive so much pleasure from those. I don't even get the opportunity to do much for him.

So should I just be patient maybe if we hit the one year stable mark, he'll open up more.

I trust him and I know he wants us, but maybe not on the top of his priority (like me too) but I just seem to have more 'time.'

Its like someone in a house screaming for you to come in but finds it difficult opening the door. They still tell you they want and need you to enter the house. Maybe I should break the lock perhaps? See that's damaging...Why did I get 'dated'.

24 comments:

Scarlet said...

I'm may i stake my claim as first before someone come and tief my spot!

Scarlet said...

Okay now that i've staked my claim on to my comment.
I know it is fustrating but it might not be an issue of trust. Some people are just more reserved than others. I'm one of such people. I'm so reserved that my dearest used to have to drag words out of me. with time it's gotten better. maybe that's whats up and hopefully with time he'll open more to you

OluwaDee said...

Just give him sometime.
most guys dont really open up easily, or they feel they dont need too.

I love talking for hours on the phone, but boo doesnt. He tried for a while, but its not just him, so he stopped.

Dont get yourself worked up over it.

RocNaija said...

I'm a introvert in many ways.. so I can so feel your boo..
I think you'll drive yourself up a wall, ripping your weave out if you keep setting time frames for 'when he should open up'
Loads of things come naturally.. but having said that.. it never hurts to tell him in the nicest possible way what you think.

doll said...

just give it time...soonest u'l be d one running 4 cover

wordmerchant said...

Like oluwadee and scalet have already pointed out..different strokes different people...also it may help if you talk to him about him so he knows how you feel. Give him time, all will fall into place.

SECRET DIARY said...

Omo Oba, ki lo de? Na waaaaa ohhh.

* * *
Mii komment has bin safed, hand will be fiisible after di owner appruvaal.

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

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simeone said...

hey

~Sirius~ said...

Do not panic dear, have you tried explaining the way you feel about this to him?

Do that in a sweet subtle way and see what happens.
Don't put a time frame to it, just let it flow.

Funms-the rebirth said...

It can be frustrating for u but some guys are like him. my ex was like that. I didnt stress him to open up, i continued being the one who talked more, with time, i started seeing changes and he felt more comfortable.. hang in there, it'd get better

aloted said...

Nothing to worry about..give it time...am sure he will open up. just keep being u....

Danny Bagucci said...

Guess dudes come in different flavors.. Key is not to try forcing the issue - could have the opposite effect of making the chap clam up.. Cut him somme slack, I'm sure with time he'll spill a lot more.... Except if you think its a symptom of sthng biger -- in which case a gentle talk just to clarify your expectations - without any compulsions - should do just fine..

Rita said...

When I read the post, I thought it was an echo of my words some years back.

Alot of guys keep things to themselves. At your spare time, grab yourself a copy of the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Even the guys that appear to be open may only end up being talkative but won't share the deep things in their heart.

If your guy is reserved, he probably appreciates ur openness. However, he would be restrained from opening up to you if he senses that you open up to "everybody".

My 6kobo...
1. Ask him questions bit by bit. It will make him feel you are interested in him and make him talk. If he's not ready to talk, leave him for a while.
2. Avoid giving him gist of how you talked to A or B or C. It would appear as if you tell everybody everything. He might wonder if he can trust you with dear information if he thinks you'd spill it out.
3. Keep away from exes.
4. Please do not nurture the difference between your guy and anyone else. He is unique and special. Focus on the things you like about him.
5. Pray about it. Ask God to teach you what to say to make him open up to you.

I won't put a timeline to when he will become more open. For some, the talking sparks happen instantly and they quickly sizzle out. For some it builds gradually and maintains a steady fire.

I tell you, when you gradually work towards getting a guy to trust you completely and open up to you, you will really appreciate all ur efforts. Such lasts.

bob-ij said...

I feel your pain. The truth is some guys are like that and believe me if you don't involve as much as you do, that's when the communication is dullin.

I had the same problem with yours truly, and I'm a talker too, so i talk to exes! (which I thought wasn't so cool!)

Just complain about it all the time and he'll just have to bend...at least for you. Might not be in the near future but eventually.
BELIEVE ME! 'Cause it worked!

wordsmith said...

glad to hear from you again...
me im taking a break from giving relationship advice o, but i think if he's committed to the relationship he will begin to open up...maybe a little at a time

Enkay said...

It might help you a bit if you don't place him in some kind of 'time frame' box. If he's reserved then I'm guessing he'll only open up on his own terms.

You could help him along nicely but you will need a lot of patience. He'll come around but most likely he'll be dropping his words in discrete packets. You'll have to keep your ears close to the ground for when they do drop!

How I know? I married one! hehehe!

Mika's Thought's... said...

Since everyone already gave you great advice I just wanna tell you that I love Dawn and QWANELL too. They are so cute. I am very much addicted to Making The Band, although I only catch up with them on the weekends when they show repeats. By the way, did you see QWANELL AND Dawn AND EVERYONE ELSE on the last season when he met the parents for the first time? Hilarious.
Good Luck with your boo...

Jay girl said...

Well, for me sha, the not opening up thing is really frustrating. I had a bf who was like so secretive and never opened up. For him to even tell me where he worked was trouble, he took a second job without telling me, he bought/sold his car without telling me, the day he was to travel abroad, he told me that morning, infact it was too much. I kept waiting for him to open up, it never happened. Try talking to him sha, maybe he would change, make him understand that you really want him to open up to you.

doug said...

Some people are just very guarded Maiden. And some people are "emotionally stunted" as my brother put it. When dealing with such people, one should not measure their love by their expression of it...it may not come as often as you expect, but believe me they might still love you to death.

Jayla said...

Some people just aren't big on confiding in people not becos they don't trust them but because they don't know how to open up.

I am like that, i just deal with my stuff myself and unfortunately my boyfriend is a bit like that too but we are trying to be more open.

Just give it a while, it doesn't have to be the one year mark. Might come earlier or later than that.

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

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Buttercup said...

i had such a HUGE crush on Q! happy for both of them..

um..can i just ask how long u guys have been together? if it has been a while and hes still not comfortable opening up to u, then i dunno o....have u told him how u feel about it??

Chi-Chi said...

been a while

just give time