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Friday, November 14, 2008

Update 2: Breakup!

Second update from previous posts:
http://abujamaiden.blogspot.com/2008/11/update-break-up.html
http://abujamaiden.blogspot.com/2008/11/breaking-up.html
So we finally got to chat for an hour; the cheapest conversation I've had with him in weeks. Its easier for me to call him because I get to work and earn a few extra $$$ and My phone card plans are cheaper than his (did I ever tell y'all he's in 9ja?) Makes sense where the problems come from now huh?

I became the culprit. The bad one! He said I had been self centered and only thought of what I wanted and needed when I called him without caring if I hurt him or not. At least I was the one calling him. He apologised but I don't know if he'll change.

I'm scared of letting him know when I'm hurt now.

He is going through personal family issues (like serious ones I need to be there for him or be understaning. If i screw up once he'll never forgive me type of issues). He wants me to be understanding but for HOW long? I'm not 24yrs for goodness sake. I try but it doesn't mean I don't need him sometimes.

All I want communication that's all. He can't give as much as I want. I can afford the phone call-text relationship but, I ain't his sugamama. What do y'all think? I hate making efforts that are not reciprocated. I try not to call him unless he calls me but he doesn't do it frequently.

But of course I miss him and end up calling. $5-$15 a week on just him. If we break up, he better pay the debit card damages.

He is in a 'serious' relationship and I'm beginning to act like him taking us so seriously and he's slacking now so I look like the clingy one when earlier he couldn't do without talking to me multiple times a day. He made me get used to something and couldn't keep up.

Time heals but I hate the fact that it comes with tears. If I didn't like him anymore, it'll be so easy. If I only were more mature?

But maybe this wahala is me not him. Or him not me!

Sucks!

19 comments:

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

I'm sorry this is happening. But, honestly, you have to think, is it really worth it? This is not to suggest that he isn't a great guy, but when you crunch the numbers and do an honest evaluation of your head and not just your heart, will you be regretting the time wasted in 6 months time?

Anyway, you know I wish you the best. If he makes you happy and you care enough, then please give him some support during these tough times for him.

Take care.

Lolia said...

This sounds so familiar that it's scary...I was spending $5-$15 on phone cards as well...and I was trying as hard as I could but it just didn't work :(

But as solomonsydelle said you need to think about what's best for you but not with your heart because our hearts tend to be soft okay? I'm sure you'll be fine xxx

Beyond said...

long distance is crazy..... i can't really give any advice as am in need of one myself(am as confused as u are).....
Somedays, i think the best thing to do is to break up with my bf but when i talk to him....i begin to wonder maybe things will actually work out....but the fact that u can't see the person n the cost of calling card ain't funny.

you have to think about it n make a decision about what u want to do

talesandtallies said...

I'm so sorry. I have found myself in such a situation, close $50 dollars weekly and I ain't even all that rich. Seriously, but with issues of the heart it's always hard to make up your mind. I wish I could tell you what to do but inept as well. All the best okay?I don't like the way this boy is doing your head.

MissLove said...

I totally feel you pain girl maybe u r my twin somewhat! The truth is, people can only advise you and you would do u at the end of the day...but be wise...If he is showing signs of still caring then dont throw it away but dont be a fool either..let him put in efforts too..i left mine because there was absolutely no effort as evidence for his love...I gave 80% and he gave about 2% hiss

~Sirius~ said...

Just hope this is a phase, matters of the heart are always tricky and the distance isn't even helping at all.
Anyways like MsLove said if he's making an effort you might want to be careful, but the moment you notice no effort on his part.....make like a tree and LEAVE.
I hope everything gets sorted out sooner than later.

wordsmith said...

oh honey. Maybe you should pray about it. I know it sounds trite but God's gifts add no sorrow with it. I do think you need to have an honest conversation with this guy-but i dont know how it is in your mind.

What I'm trying to say is you know we'll support you whatever you decide just do what is best for you in the long run

aloted said...

it takes two to make a relationship work...and much more effort from both parties when it is long dist....

my advice..try and be patient with him considering he is going thru some issues..but overall do what is best for you...

u are still v young and shouldn't be so stressed emotionally!

it is well ok...above all take it to God in prayer

tankojjetty said...

You've gotten to the part where you need a sit down...
you've guys have got to talk...
Not the phone thing, thats so not personal, you wouldnt be able to see his emotions...

you need to be able to look into his eyes and have a heart to heart...

get on the next plane back here...

like i always say...say yoursef...and him the misey,either breakup now or in 3 months

Buttercup said...

*sighs*

all i can say is that i hope this is only just as a result of his family issues..

I wish u all the best hon n hope things get better.

Mwah!

rethots said...

Hmmm, they ain't break-ups if there are no tears. However, it beats me that more often than not they always come back.

flabby said...

haha- 5- 15 dols? i was spending 5-10 pounds A DAY!! and trust me- my bank account isnt filled with 000s mehn!! lol..so take comfort in that k? u know how i feel about distance..its not realistic long term!..but thats just me..sowwy!xx

Abujamaiden said...

Flabby, you should get an award!

As in I don't mind spending it but If I'm broke rich in the future (God forbid), I've already told him he'll western union transfer my repayment!

Tanko, if we break up chances are we'll get back again or I'll enter an advanced depression phase.

We are good now. Chat all weekend from thrusday till sunday. I'm working on my temper now and he's home alone and broke!

Thanks for the love y'all!

salem said...

Follow your heart and if truly you are in love with him you will smile at the end of the ride. And don’t forget that every relationship has its ups and downs.
Also there is no relationship without communication. Communication is the backbone of every relationship.
I don’t want to be kinda spiritual but i will also advice for you to commit your relationship to God

FFF said...

hmmm. am obviously going to tow a different line 4rm most pple here, but if u ask me i'd say be patient. d guy is going 2ru issues, it's not easy on him. if he also has to deal with girlfriend wahala @ d same time, daz just going to drive him nuts. pls b patient. sometimes, dudes sow seeds of phone calls in d early stage of d relationship n d hope dat wen it reduces dir babe will not panic on dem. MM definitely calls me a lot less now dan he used to. i was bothered at first, den i got reassured dat he loved me therefore i adjusted. making international calls 4rm naija is no joking matters oh, believe. already it costs so much 2 make local calls not 2 mention overseas. please be patient dear.

Uzezi said...

too much sacrifice when nothing is coming in return destroys self esteem. relationships have ups and downs. but the downs dont do terrible damages that unreciprocated love do. its better to cry now, hurt now than later, because if it happens now, by later, you will be on with your life and wiser.

be careful ok

deola said...

Trust your heart and that is all.

afunto` baby™ said...

if u can send him a txt every other day just to make him aware that ur thinking bout him dats good and maybe if u can call him at d end or d beginning of every week dat wud b good to. i been in longies b4 so i know how it is i use to by cred, txt, IM d dude on all dat. which wasnt ez. anyways dont worry hun u will both work thru this all it takes is understanding. pele.

Abujamaiden said...

Returned to read the comments. Thanks y'all!!! I'm trying hard to make it work.